Tuesday, December 8, 2009


Hey all! You have prob lost hope in me by now...

but just in case there are still some people with me on their blog roll or google reader I wanted to post about my NEW BLOG. It is a food blog with my best friend Katie. It is a blog dedicated to living a balanced and healthy life style, complete with workouts and recipes; trials and tribulations; excitement and goal meeting.

So come check it out!

Two Lives, One Lifestlye

Thursday, November 12, 2009

"Operation Florida" Day 162.8 lbs.

Wow, what a week so far! I have dropped about 4 pounds, but it is defiantely mosty water weight. I have no restricted myself at all but have made lots of little changes and upped my exercise a bit. I think after this week of the "bloat" from the past few weekends (homecoming, my nephews birthday party, etc.) has come off, the weight should start to come off in a more steady fashion. I forgot how exciting it is to lose weight :) Love it!

The changes I have made have been small but have (clearly) made a big impact. For one thing, I have made most of my meals veggie based instead of meat or carb based. For example, last night I had roasted brussel sprouts with tofu and mushrooms. This was cool because I can eat a ton, feel very satisfied, and still stay within appropriate cals. I have really started to see this week how the kinds of food we choose, not necessarily the calories in them, can make a big difference. I am truly seeing for the first time that not every calorie is created equal!!

Boot camp was awesome today! We did 3 stations and cardio. The stations incorporated squats, dead lifts, crunches, and push ups. The cardio was both steady state and intervals. We did not stop moving for the entire hour and it was so hard but so amazing! Tomorrow I am trying my first spinning class at the new gym! I am super excited because there is nothing like a good spin session :)

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Oikos Contest!

I just read about the Oikos contest on Jenna's post over at eat, live, run and I have decided to enter :) I love Oikos yogurt, and have frequently had it as an afternoon snack with some cranberry almond granola and a drizzle of honey. yum :) I even just became a fan on their facebook page!

So here is what I could desperately use a weekend away at the Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health:

I know I have mentioned it before on here (without going into much detail) but this past year has been one for the record books for me and my family. It started out normal in January. I decided I needed to lose some weight and started a diet and exercise plan that I could keep in place while starting my busy season at work. As some of you know, I used to be a tax accountant so the months of January - April were pure hell for me. Long days at work doing a job I absolutely loathed did not make for a happier me. I was stressed beyond belief. Then February hit, and economic tragedy struck. My husband lost his job as a supply chain and marketing manger for an online car parts company. Since supply chain is not a career that is in high demand in these trying times, we knew it would be a while before getting back on our feet. However, much to our delight, Stephen was able to find a job relativly quickly, but there was one catch, it was in New Jersey! We were excited for the new opportunity and soon found ourselves packing our belongings, signing a lease for an apartment in Hoboken, NJ and waiting patiently for my transfer to go through and for his start date to arrive. However, in early May, economic tragedy once again struck. After everything was moved to NJ and had been there about a month the branch of the tire company Stephen was supposed to work for shut down. This meant no jobs for either of us in NJ, a year lease signed for both an apartment AND a parking garage, and no where to live in CT anymore. To put it frankly, we were screwed. I tend to internalize my feelings of stress and anger, and I began to become more and more shut off from the world, especially my husband. The weeks went on, work was just as stressful (even after April 15th, weird) and I found myself slipping deeper and deeper into a depression. As a recovering bulimic I felt myself leaning back toward my old ways of binging and purging and gave into these feelings on several occasions. I internalized everything to the point where I was suffering from panic and anxiety attacks almost everyday. Then one day while at work in a small, windowless room with another tax accountant I suffered from a full on panic attack. I cannot tell you much about that day. All I remember is asking the person I was working with if he thought it was hot in the room. The next thing I knew I was in an ambulance on my way to a hospital. I had passed out and my heart rate was over 200 by the time the medical team came. This was by far the lowest point for me this past year. After a 2 week stress related leave I decided to leave my job. And as they say, the rest is history. While things have clearly gotten much better in the past 3 months or so (Stephen and I both found new jobs and a new apartment) I still feel myself internalizing so much of my stress, and avoiding binging and purging is still a daily struggle. I have recently started practicing yoga and cannot begin to explain how helpful it has been. To have the opportunity to visit the
Kripalu Center for Yoga & Health for a whole weekend would be a dream come true for me. I really feel that yoga and meditation will help me in my continued recovery from bulimia, and with my anxiety. If this past year has taught me anything, its that we all need to listen to our bodies and respond appropriately. Yoga will help teach me how to become centered and one with body so that I can actually listen to the messages it is sending me, both good and bad!

So there we go! The reasons I believe I should go to the
Kripalu Center for Yoga & Health! If I win I will clearly be taking my best friend, Katie :) She is a graduate student in CO studying chemical engineering, so she could definately use a weekend away too!

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Operation Florida: Day 2- 165.2. And first day of BOOT CAMP!

Hey blog world :) So today is day 2 od "Operation Florida" and I weighed in at 165.2. I forgot how much my weight can fluctuate from day to day! At first I was really nervous because it was a 1.6 pound loss in just one day, but then I remembered it is probably just water weight. But it did feel good to know that I am headed in the right direction.

Today was also my first day of BOOT CAMP! I signed up for this exercise program that is two days a week in the morning a little while ago. It is at the gym I used to work at with one of my favorite trainers, Krystal! It was an hour of constant circuit training. After a brief warm up Krystal explained what we would do in each station.

Station 1: one foot on floor, one foot on step. Squat down for three and shoot your body weight up so you are standing on the leg that is on the step (not sure if i explained that correctly. I wish I had pictures!!!). Do 5 times then switch legs.

Station 2: crunches. crunches. crunches.

Station 3: Dead lifts with a barbell.

Station 4: power push ups

Station 5: Krystal had a resistance band wrapped around a pole. Acting like the resistance band was a "lawn mower starter" (hehe) and pull while twisting. This one really worked the core!

I think that was all the stations. After we went through the stations once, Krystal has us get on a cardio machine (I chose the stair master since I am so used to the treadmile. I forgot how hard this is!) and we sprinted for 30 second and jogged" for 1 min and 30 sec. We did these intervals for 6 minutes and then went back for more stations. We did the stations and cardio rotations for an entire hour. Wow. I consider myself to be in good shape, but this was HARD! I am always looking for ways to shake up my workout, and this definately did the trick :)

On the work front, I love love love my new job :) I am finding it so facsinating and really loving the people and everything I'm learning. There is SO much to learn about hedge funds and how they work, and I really look forward to diving right in! Its also nice to have my own desk again, especially since I try to eat every 2 hours or so. Not having your own space can make this difficult and awkward. I love having my own desk because I can put my lunch box underneath (filled to the brim with tuper wear!) and I can pull out my veggies, fruits, and lunch whenever I need to. Today I had...

Oatmeal, almond butter, apple, and soy milk

Snack after boot camp (omg I was staving):
mango and strawberries

Salad with romaine, spinach, 2 oz salmon, 1/2 cup kidney beans, red onion, feta, and 1 Tbsp walnuts

1 chopped cucumber, 1/2 sweet potatoe

1 cup whole wheat pasta with pesto and tofu
small spinach salad with red onion.

Have a great day all!!!

Monday, November 9, 2009

Operation Florida... Day 1 166.6

Hey bloggies. I have been trying to steer clear of the scale for a few weeks now. I stepped on it this morning and wasnt thrilled with what I saw. Oh well.

So I am going to Florida for xmas with my husbands family in 6 weeks. I am currently 10 lbs away from my lowest weight in recent memory and I decided to make it a birthday/christmas present to myself to lose this weight before our trip. Losing 10 lbs in 6 weeks means losing just over 1.5 lbs a week, which is totally doable. Since it is for such a short period of time I am going to weigh myself almost everyday I think. I know this is super un healthy, especially for me, but I think it will work for this particular situation.

So today was day 1 of "operation florida" and day 1's weight is 166.6. I know. pretty horrible. But I also have to consider the fact that this pat year has been super stressful and crazy. I am such a stress eater and cant believe I didnt gain 30 pounds this year! Instead I lost a lot, and have gained some back. But hey, thats life right?

Sunday, November 8, 2009


I have run out of oatmeal!!!! how did this HAPPEN?!?!?!?!?

I am taking a power yoga class in about 20 minutes, and cant believe I am going without oatmeal in my belly. BOO! I did munch on some cobani yogurt with strawberries and a teaspoon of honey. It was delish, clearly, but I feel a void without my oatmeal. Lets be honest, my fondness of oatmeal with almond butter, an apple or banana, and vanilla soy milk (ok, im drooling) has become a love a love affair.

Ok. I'm over it. Off to yoga :)

Saturday, November 7, 2009

What a week!!!

Wow! It has been one whirl wind of a week here in the Peters house! I started my new job on Monday and I have to say I love love love it :) I was an accounting major in college (hence why I became a tax accountant right after graduating. ew.), but in my last two years at Bucknell I took a lot more finance than accounting and found it much more facsinating. This job is combining the best of both worlds. Investment accounting is really facinating. Seeing how money is moving between hedge funds and fund-to-fund accounts is incredible. I know I know, I am a major dork, but I really love it. This is my third job this year, so I am hoping that the third time is a charm!

I am also feeling a lot of emotions this week. Stephen and I have been through so much this year with the failing economy and in life in general. My anxiety was at such a high level, panic attacks were happening daily, and we had no idea what was coming next. I honestly had no idea how we would pay our next set of bills, or how our very new marriage would handle everything that was being thrown at us. Looking over this past year, I see how far we have come as a couple and how far I have come as a person. I actually had the courage to walk away from a job that was causing so much pain and heart ache. I have found a job that I think I will really love. My marriage is stronger than ever and I am confident that NO matter what happens in our life, we will be able to work through it. Stephen has a job that he really loves and is exceling at it. This week I have felt so thankful for our strength as a couple, and for my strength as a person. I feel stronger than I ever have and am so thankful for everything and everyone that has helped me through this incredibly difficult year :)

I hope everyone had a great week and is having a fantatic weekend!!!

Friday, October 30, 2009

Happyyy Birthday!

Today is my nephew's birthday! I cant believe he is one! This has definately been a whirl wind year for my sister and her husband. They has their first baby, sold a house in New Orleans, moved to PA with a new born (can you imagine, moving is so stressful as it is!), and now have bought a house in PA! Phew. Makes me exhausted just thinking about it. Unfortunately Stephen and I live about 5 hours away from my family, so we dont get to see them as often as we would like. But since this new job of mine should allow me a lot more free weekends we will hopefully get to see the little guy a lot more often! We are heading to PA this weekend though for his birthday party! Cant wait to see him! I havnt seen my nephew since August, so Im sure he has grown a lot!

So I cant believe how productive I have been today. Its only 7AM here in New England, the sun is just coming up, and I have gotten so much done. I have done 2 loads of laundry, done all the dishes in the sink, cleaned the living room, and gone for a 4 mile run right at sunrise. woohoo! I wish I had this much energy everyday!

It has been somewhat bitter sweet this past week. This is my last week at Healthtrax as a Wellness Program Coordinator before I start my new job as a fun accountant. Its odd because I really have no negative feelings toward the job itself or any of the people I work with. I am going to miss all the trainers and the program coordinators so much! While its weird to move on from this position that I have loved, I know this is a good move for me and my family as far as schedule, financial, and for longevity of my career. I am really excited to start working in accounting again... expecially because it isnt TAX accounting! ugh, I just really hated that!!!

The workouts and food consumption have been going well :) And I am moving right along with my 1,000 miles :)

Have a great weekend everyone!

Friday, October 23, 2009

A tribute...

Warning.... This post is about to get incredibly sappy...

I decided to do a tribute post to the most important person in my life, my amazing husband.

Stephen and I started dating in college, and I knew within 6 weeks of starting to date that this was the man I would spend the rest of my life with. He was completely the ying to my yang, and I had never met someone whom I had SO much fun with while being so much in love. Our relationship was totally easy and everything just sort of fell into place. When there was a disagreement we actually DISCUSSED it and come to a logical conclusion. We never got into drunken screaming matches. Our relationship felt so grown up, and amazing. I KNEW this was it.

Now we have been married a year and a half and our marriage is as strong as ever. We have been through a lot and have never waivered our love. He amazes me everyday in his ability to so effortlessly balance the pressures of work with home, masculinity and sensitivity. Everyday I appreciate and love him more and more, and just when I dont think I could love him anymore he will do something amazing, yet simple and unexpected (ie: bringing me McDonalds french fries with sweet and sour sauce when he works late and KNOWS its my favorite guilty pleasure). I look at him everyday and know that we are going to build an amazing life together. Whether we have a lot of money, just enough, or barely enough to get by (which we have had all 3 in the past year), we are always a team through everything.

I love you, honey :) I cant wait to see what happens with our life together :)

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Its official...

I have a new job! I found out yesterday I have been hired as a fund accountant for a software company. While I really do love my current position, I have been feeling very restless lately. This is mostly due to the fact that it is not very challenging and I don't feel like I am using my brain most days. Also, with my current position I end up working a lot of evenings and weekends. Even though its only a 40 hour week, my schedule is completely different compared to my husbands, so that has made things a tad difficult. I am really excited about this new opportunity. In order for me to take another accounting position it has to be the RIGHT position. No taxes, no busy season, and no insane bosses who make you feel incredibly guilty for not doing something correctly or not working 80+ hours a week. This job has NONE of that! The atmosphere is casual (jeans and sweaters! cant wait) and everyone is really young. It is completely team oriented and everyone seems to have a life outside of the office! I will, however, miss my current position for many reasons....

1. I will miss sitting on a physio ball all day instead of a chair
2. I get to talk about health and fitness all day wth people
3. I get paid to take fitness classes
4. I love the people I work with

But I am not going to miss it for several reasons as well...

1. When something goes wrong I seem to be the punching bag
2. The hours are incredibly irregular
4. I hate working late into the night.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Annies All Natural Cow Girl Ranch Dressing

I am moving right along here in my journey to eat whole foods. In my quest to look at ingredients first before calorie content. And my never ending struggle to constantly think about what the food I am eating will be able to do for my body as a whole, and how it will use the things I am putting in it as FUEL, not just as effecting the number on the scale.

That being said, I think I made a big breakthrough yesterday at the grocery store. I was trying to pick a salad dressing that was new and would add a little much needed ZING to my ol' midday meal usual. I was stuck between two choices....

a. Hidden Valley Fat Free Ranch (HVFFR)
b. Annies All Natural Cow Girl Ranch Dressing (AANCG)

Lets compare...

HVFFR: 30 per 2 Tbsp
AANCG: 120 per 2 TBP

Is Annie's higher in cal? yes. But then I scanned everything else, and while it is also high in Fat, it is much lower in sodium and carbs. Then the tell tale sign: THE INGREDIENTS! Annie's had about 5-7 ingredients, all of which I could pronounce and all of which I was fairly certain my body would be able to process correctly. The Hidden Valley? About 20 ingredients. Some of which I recognized but none of which seemed ok.

The Hidden Valley seemed to hold up a white flag of currender as I put the Annie's All Natural Cow Girl in my cart. I used one Tbsp today on my salad (romaine lettuce, baby spinach, red bell pepper, organic dried cranberries, pine nuts, some avacado, and 3 oz left over haddock. SALAD BEAST aka: perfection in my mouth) and it was amazing. Full of flavor, even though there was a inimal amount on my meal.

So in the never ending war of all natural vs. processed and chemical infused food, it looks like all natural has won this time around :)

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Goals for the rest of October, 8 minute abs/arms

So starting next month I am going to break my goals down by week and month for food, life, and working out... I have thought a lot about this and tried different ways to set and keep track of goals. I really like how Fitting Back In prints out her strength workouts and takes them to the gym with her! I decided to try and start doing something similar.

Yesterday I put a binder together with some workouts that I made (and some from Fitting Back In!) so I always have a place to go and pull one on my way to working out! I even made a section of the binder for the "Current Week". The plan is to try and plan my workouts for the whole week on Sunday night (while watching Desperate Housewives of course) and print them out for the binder :) To make my workouts one of the trainers gave me this fantastic web site called exrx.net. Its awesome, you can chose different muscle groups and they show you example of exercises to work out that part of your body!

The great thing is that I have put together a lot of workouts that I can do at home! I have 5 and 8 pound dumb bells that I keep at home, and with the help of a chair, a yoga mat, and a coffee table (and a little creativity of course) I have been able to make some great "do-at-home-while-watching-Criminal-Minds" workouts. Side note, does anyone else love this show as much as my husband and me? Its sooo good!

So here is the plan for this weeks workouts:
Week of October 19:

Run 3 miles
Chest, Shoulders, Triceps

Run 4 miles
Bicepts, back
8 minute Abs video

Run 4 miles

Run 4 miles
8 Minute Abs
8 Minute Arms

Off (traveling to Bucknell!)

Run 4-5 miles at BUCKNELL with Katie :)

Its pretty aggressive, but I'm excited about it!!!!'

So I found some total 80's "8 minute workouts" on youtube this morning and was surprised to see that everything in them (besides the outfits) still holds true! I especially like the 8 minute abs, and 8 minute arms.

Have a wonderful sunday everyone! I am hoping to keep posting this week to update you on how I'm doing witht he workouts goals! Also, you can see my calendar to the right with what I have done even if there isnt a post :)

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Exercise Hiatus

Helllllo blog world.

It has been a week since I completed my half marathon and I can say with confidence that my body FINALLY feels back to normal. The morning after running this race I woke up at 3AM and literally could not bend my knees! My quads were SO tight and my knees were SO sore! I got into a hot bath and relax them and that helped. On Tuesday I thought I was ok to take a nice 5 miles EASY run. Nope. It hurt. And it hurt A LOT. I made it about 4 before giving up (as you can see on my calendar!!!). I have no attempted since tht day to run again.... but I think I am ready...

I am planning an EASY 5 miles tomorrow on a treadmil so I can watch TV. I usually prefer going outside, but I think since its going to snow in new england tomorrow (yes, snow!) its ok to hop on the treadmile :)

My goal for maintaining my running habit while I am not in training mode is to do at least 4-5 miles 5 days a week. I might add a few speed workouts in here and there, but I am not particularly concerned about that right now.

Have a great weekend everyone :)

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

11 Weeks and Counting

There are 11 weeks left in 2009 and I want to make a pledge right now to make EVERY WEEK COUNT. 2009 has not been a completely stellar year for me or my husband (lost jobs, new jobs, lost jobs again, lost apartments, moving, moving back, etc...). Things have been (dare I say it) GOING WELL for both of us in these last 2 months (despite my recent restless ness). I want to end 2009 with a BANG and hope it leads into good things for 2010 :)

Goals for the end of 2009:

1. Keep up with the exercise! 5 to 6 days a week. Yoga, running, abs, and light strength training.

2. Focus on the continued eating of WHOLE foods that fuel my body. Instead of looking at nutritional facts all the time (fat content, calories, carbs) focus on eating lots of fruit and veggies. By doing this I am confident that everything else (weight, complection, etc.) will fall continue to improve and fall into place :)

3. Really try to focus on staying on track on the weekends. Even when I am out to dinner with family I want to try and eat whole foods that dont just taste good but that will make me FEEL good as well.

4. Breath. Relax. Love your life and appreciate everything about it :)

Monday, October 12, 2009

This weeks food plan...

So now that I am not in "training" mode my diet is going to be a bit different. Here is my plan for Tuesday...

breakfast: fruit smoothie (1 cup strawberries, 1 frozen naner, 1 cup spinach, 1 cup vanilla soy milk)

snack: Orange

lunch: baby arugala salad with 2 oz grilled chicken, pine nuts, feta cheese, 1 red bell pepper, tomatoe, poppy seed dressing

dinner: 2 oz grilled sirloin steak, 1 sweet potatoe with 1 tsp honey and 1 tsp brown sugar, 1 grilled zuccini and 1 grilled yellow squash


I feel like this happens every 3-6 months. I get restless with many things that are happening with my life. It could be my job, my daily routine, my workouts. This time I think its my job. While I am really enjoying it, I am not really using my brain or anything I learned in college. I have also found that working with the public on a day to day basis can get very trying. People are mean lately. I know the economy is failing and you have no money for a gym membership or for personal training, but dont yell at me because of it!

Anyway, I got an email today about an accounting job. It woul be very different than my last job, I would be able to use my brain, and I could have every evening and weekend free. With my current position I end up working a lot of nights and weekends, which is getting old quickly. I'm going to keep thinking about it and soul searching. Wish me luck.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

New Running Goal

Now that the half marathon is over I need something else to work toward. I didnt want to work toward another race yet. I would love to run the full Hartford marathon next year, but I dont need to start training yet. I want to run a few 5 and 10K's throughout the year as well, but there is no need to "train" for these races anymore. What I am really concerned about is falling out of this routine. I am in the BEST SHAPE OF MY LIFE, and every other time that has happened I have allowed myself to let it slip away. I wont this time.

Am I at the "ideal" weight? No. But I am stronger than I have ever been, and if there is one thing I have learned lately its that if you focus on everything else (eating WHOLE foods that fuel your body, listening to what you body wants, doing the exercise that is right for you, etc.) the number on the scale will fall into place. I (clearly) have not totally mastered that yet, but I am working on it :)

So, the new goal. I will run 1,000 miles between now and 10.10.10. From this day until October 10, 2010 I will run a total of 1,000 miles. I have made a ticker on the side of the blog and I will, as always, track my progress on the blog.

Hartford Half Marathon

Well I did it. I ran a half marathon today :) I am wicked proud of myself and despite the fact that I am so sore right now, I am incredibly happy with how everything went... so here is a mile by mile recap...

I woke up around 5:30 and made oatmeal with hot soy milk and a banana. About a half hour later I had an orange. And while I was walking around before the race I had half a power bar. During the morning I had gatorade and water mixed to stay hydrated. I was getting SO nervous while I was walking around Bushnell Park before the race, but I was really trying to take it all in. I met SO many wonderful people who had great stories. One woman had a shirt on that said "This 26.2 is for all the girl who were picked last in gym class". I love that!

So around 7:30 AM we lined up at the starting line. Below you can see the arches that are in Bushnell Park. The finish line was at the arches, and the starting line was right beside them. The marathon and half marathon lined up at the same spot, and we split after the first 4.5 miles or so.

I felt great through the first 5 miles. I was staying hydrated, was motivated, and everything was working as it should. Every mile or so there was even a band to keep people moving and motivated. At the 2nd mile there was a band playing marching band music! I was thrilled! It reminded me of high school cheerleading and cheering at varsity football games. The band was playing "The Hey Song", which of course, we had a fantastic cheerleading dance to go along with. Thinking about old cheers (omg I know, please dont judge me) and dances to marching band music actually got me through the next few miles. This marching band music also made me think of one of my best best best friends, Katie. She LOVES marching band music and she was one of my best friends in college (and still today! even though she lives so far away :( ) Thinking about all the fun times we had in college, dancing in frat basements, drinking champagne on saturday afternoons, also helped me through those next few miles.

Around mile 5 I looked at my heart rate monitor and realized I was paced at about an 8 minute mile, which is WAY too fast for me. I knew I needed to slow it way down in order to make it to the end. I slowed to about an 11 minute mile pace which felt much better. I concentrated on my breathing and made sure I was sipping the half gatorade half water in my bottle I was carrying. I started thinking about college again and all the amazing memories. I started to sign certain songs to myself; bleeding love, santa clause is coming to town (inside joke, haha), the theme song to "rock of love". Then I started to think about the times in college when I was dating my husband. Back when things like lost jobs, and lost apartments werent even a thought in our mind. We were just two people who were young, so much in love, thinking about our future. I thought about how far we had come in our relationship and marriage. We have been through so much in the last year and a half, and our marriage is so strong because of it. I started singing songs to myself like "you lost that loving feeling" (the song that was played when Stephen gave me his fraternity pin), and "piano man".

Before I knew it I was at the half way point and was along the Connecticut River. It was SO beautiful. Running through the woods in the GORGEOUS autumn weather. It is no secret that I am in LOVE with fall in New England. The colors, the weather, the water, it was all amazing! I was really enjoying myself. I was keeping an 11- 11:30 minute per mile pace and really felt good. I had gone through two packs of fruit snacks and was staying really hydrated. Unfortunately after running by the river, we started to run through a pretty bad area of Hartford. I was snapped out of my "perfect new england life" that included an old, big house with 2 kids and 2 dogs and brought back to the reality that I was closing in on 10 miles and was being yelled at by several drunk men on the streets of Hartford (aka: new englands rising star. hm. the jury is still out). There was clearly security (thank god) but I sped up just to get the hell outta there.

Then around mile 11.5 I hit a major wall. There was only a mile and a half left! That mile and a half turned into the longest of my life. I was out of fruit snack, and there wasnt another water station til mile 12. The ankle/leg I broke in high school was killing me, and my quads were screaming for relief. I wanted to stop and stretch but I was afraid I wouldnt be able to start again. The last mile and a half turned into the most difficult mental test of my life. I took it 100 steps at a time. "Ok, get through these 100 steps. Its only 100 steps. Anyone can run 100 steps."

Needless to say, I made it through. The last 100 yards were approaching and as a rounded the bend to go into the final shoot to the finish line I saw my hubby :) He had a big smile on his face and was cheering me on :) taking lots of pictures, and looking so proud. I happened to be finishing at the same time as the woman who came in first for the marathon (yes, she ran TWICE as fast as me. omg.) and lots of people were cheering. Even though I knew the cheers were not for me, those cheers are still what got me over the finish line :)

Overall, amazing experience and I think I am hooked. It was incredible and I loved it. Yes, the last 1.5 miles were incredibly hard but if it wasnt hard it wouldnt be worth it right? It was amazing to really see what my body and mind were capable of. I am so thankful that I am healthy and young and able to compete at this level.

So there it is! My first half marathon :)

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

A little break...

So I have taken a mini vacation lately from calorie counting, weighing myself weekly, and being strict with that sort of thing. Frankly, I was exhausted and did not want to completely burn out. I have learned a lot about how many calories are in what foods and how much my body needs to get through the day. I guess I wanted to put myself to the test and see if I could put what I have learned into everyday life without the accountability of a calorie and food diary. I have done pretty well I think. Even while going out to dinner I have really tried to examine the menu and ask myself what my body wanted instead of what perked the interest of my mind.

I am tapering for my race on Saturday, and trying to make sure my body is thourghly rested, prepared, and properly fueled. I have focused on nutrients and fuel going into my body, rather than "x" number of calories in and out of my body. Every morning I have really concentrated on what my body is asking it needed. I have also thought a lot about Saturday and what I need in order to be fueled correctly for that race. I have to say, I am getting really nervous. I have been training for so long, but I'm not sure if I ever would feel totally "prepared" for this. I have set differnt time goals throughout training based on how I felt, but I think as long as I cross the finish in the race time limit I will be really happy. Lots to think about this week!!! Wish me luck!

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Enough Said.

I use myfooddiary.com to track my daily calories and exercise. Last night I realized that I still had the activity setting on "not very active". I set it to this level when I first started this program back in January. At the time I was doing taxes and sat at a cubicle for 12 hours a day, and was maybe moving for 30 minute a day on the eliptical (if I was lucky enough to get out of the office by 10 when my gym closed).

With my current job I am running around all day everyday, and my workouts have significantly increased. I couldnt figure out why my weight loss has plateaued in the first 2 months at my new position. I was taking in the same amount of calories as I had in the begining when I had always racked up a 7 lbs loss per month. The scale was not budging, and when it did budge the number went up!

Last night/this morning when I was reading this post at The Fitnessista a light bulb went on! I am not taking in NEARLY enough calories to support my new VERY active lifestyle. My body was holding onto everything for dear life, and when I had a cheat day I bet I even gained! I adjusted the settings and I need about 500 more calories A DAY to lose weight than I was taking in before. Thank you, Gina! I am so excited to see how my body responds!!!

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Fall in New England

Its unofficially official. It is is fall in new england :)

Growing up I always loved summer. Summer meant freedom from school, long days at Kipps Run swim club, and lightning bugs in the evening in the back yard. Both of my parents are teachers so they were always home in the summer. My summers were filled with amazing memories, trips to Ocean City, MD with some of our best family friends, and 4th of July picnics at my God mothers house. Summer ruled.

Now, however, since I have graduated from college and am living in New England my feelings have changed. I no longer have an entire SEASON off from work, and summer no longer means "freedom". In fact, over the last 3 years we have taken a vacation in January instead of July. And with these changes, I have found myself falling in love with FALL.

Fall in New England means VIBRANT colors on all the trees, chilly morning, sweaters, scarfs, and hot apple cider. As you know, as of late I consider myself a pretty avid runner. There is nothing that can compare to a long run on a chilly fall morning, taking in all the colors, and stretching outside in my backyard. Its amazingly peaceful and is a big part of the reason why I now love this time of year.

Happy fall everyone!!!

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Amazing Inspiration

Hi blogworld :::warning: long ranting session ahead:::

So for the last week I have had a problem. When I was actively binging and purging I would always respond to my emotions through food. If I had a bad field hockey game I would go though the McDonalds drive through and order 2-3 value meals. I would eat it all and happily purge everything. I couldnt control the other field hockey team that I was playing against, but I could control what went in my mouth and how it came back out.

This past week I have had a big binging problem. Nothing is necessarily wrong, just the little everyday struggles that we all have. The problem is when I start to eat lately I literally cannot stop. If I am alone it is even worse. Last week when my husband fell asleep early I ate and ate and ate. The difference between now and then is that I did not throw up. But I did the same thing two days later. I literally cannot stop eat, and then over compensating this eating by lots of exercise. My body feels horrible and bloated and totally off. In my unending quest for the "perfect" body I am afraid that I have over exercised and under eaten these last few weeks. My body is responding by making e over eat this way. I felt lost these last two days, trying to figure out what the hell was going on with my mind and body. I felt like I was chasing my tail and didnt know how to really stop the cycle. Mostly, I was afriad that the next binge would lead to me purging again. Bingeing and purging is a cycle I have been able to avoid thus far, but I can feel myself slipping and can feel my will power slowly fading.

I felt this way until I read the latest post from the blog Eat, Live, Run. This is the sentence that really got to me...

I challenge each one of you to stop comparing yourself to others, stop aiming for perfection, and just accept what you are and where you are today and help someone else. It’s not all about PRs and calories; it’s about real life and real people.

This touched me so much. I need to STOP my unending quest for the perfect body, flawless legs, and amazing abs. I am never going to be as perfect as I think I should be and need to get back to my regular life. My everyday life that includes food, exercise, and worrying about REAL LIFE things. I need to stop lifting up my shirt and looking at my stomach to see if it looks flat or not EVERYTIME I pass a mirror. I need to eat the food that my body is craving, not deprive myself just because it is past 6:30 PM and I "cant" eat. I do love exercise, but I need to remember that the food I eat fuels the runs that I love to go on. It doesnt matter how fast I run, or how many miles I run per week. I need to start listening to my heart and responding to that rather than using my mind to respond to what my eyes are seeing.

Thank you Eat, live, run! You have no idea how much you have helped :)

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

"Skinny" French Toast and an emotional day

Hey blogworld,

Today started out well but has slowly become more of an emotional, stressful, and just all around grumpy day.

The one really good thing about today was my breakfast :) oh and my dinner :) haha, basically the only part of my day that was really good was the food. For breakfast I made "skinny" french toast with a whole wheat english muffin. I took the whole wheat english muffin and totally dunked it in egg whites. After grilling this I put some cinnamon on it along with a tbsp of reduced fat peanut butter. DELISH! too bad the rest of the day went downdill (til dinner of course).

Ugh, my day was filled with people and their PROBLEMS. Problems I did NOT want not care about, let alone deal with. I didnt care whose billing got messed up or whose hastring got pulg aed. I was told about a mistake I made on the fitness sales report and almost started to cry. I hate these days. When everything little thing gets to you and you have no idea why. All week I had been planning a special dinner with Stephen for this night, and was just counting down the hours until I was eating a fantastic dinner with my fantastic husband :)

I made parmasean and walnut stuffed pork tenderloin with honey glazed baby carrots and baked sweet potatoes :) My hubs has been working so hard and such long hours at the new job so I wanted to make him a really special dinner. He loved it :)

So, with my re-filled glass of wine I am going to toast to a better tomorrow :) Heres hoping.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Veggie Fritata

Happy Monday :)

This morning I made a veggie fritata that was losely based on a recipe I found on runners world.
It had asparagus, mushrooms, red onion, parm cheese, egg whites and one egg. It was also delish.

Unfortunatly, my camera is on the fritz and I cannot share photos. My husband got a fantastic camera for his bday, and I'm trying to convince him to help me out and take some food pics :)

Now I am out for a short 3-4 mile jaunt around the apartment complex.

have a happy monday :)

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Healthy Food?

I found this article today on the Cooking Light website. I found it pretty imformative. I never thought to check the nutrional labels of whole wheat bread before. I will definately know to be more cautious next time...

10 Foods That Sound Healthy But Aren't

Farmington River Trail

Today I ran the Farmington River Trail. It is an 8.5 mile trail that goes along the Farmington River. It was absolutely gorgeous and I loved ::almost:: every minute of it. I, unfortunately, did not run the entire trail. I ended walking/jogging very slowly for about a mile and a half. I dressed a little too warmly for a day like today, and did not bring water. I know, very dumb. I had water in my car, but not with me on the run. I am now on the market for a belt to hold water bottles during long runs. Does anyone out there have on that they like?

Here are some pics from the trail! Enjoy the rest of your weekend!!!

Wednesday, September 9, 2009


During my run this morning I had an epiphany...

My goal for this week was to eat only whole foods. I wasnt going to eat anything processed or that would not do SOMETHING for my body. I have been gearing up for this goal for the past few weeks by adding fiber, limiting caffeine, only eating whole grain instead of white flour, etc. I started Sunday and have been very successful. I also had VERY limited animal protein. In fact, outside of the flounder I had Sunday night, I have had no animal proteain. Only beans, soy, and nuts.
Yesterday I was rather grumpy and could not shake a slight headache all day long. I took yoga last night and felt MUCH better are some cleansing deep breaths and some much needed stretching. And today? Today I feel amazing. I woke up before my alarm (still getting 7.5 hours of sleep) and felt alert and rested. My body felt ready to take on the world, and my mind was incredibly sharp.
I was scheduled to do a 5 mile tempo run this morning (or an "easy hard run"). My tempo runs normally look like this....
1600 yards (1 mile) Warm Up 3.5-5.0 mph
800 yards (1/2 mile) Sprint 6.2 mph
400 yards (1/4 mile) Recover 5.5 mph
1600 yards (1 mile) Cool Down 5.2 mph
These runs are supposed to push you just outside your comfort zone for a small period of time in order to increase speed and endurance. I started out doing this pace and it felt way too slow. My tempo run ended up looking like this...
1600 yards (1 mile) Warm up 5.2 mph
800 yards (1/2 mile) Sprint 6.5 mph
400 yards (1/4 mile) Recover 6.0 mph
1600 yards (1 mile) Cool down 5.2-5.5 mph
I couldn't believe it. It felt amazing and empowering and I wanted to hold on to that feeling forever. I truly believe I felt this way because of the slow revamp to my diet. I am definately going to continue eating only whole foods, nothing processed, limited animal protein, and no white flour for as long as I can.
I hope you all have a great day!!!

Monday, September 7, 2009

Begining Of September Stats

Weight on September 1: 162
Body Fat Percentage: 31.2%
Chest: 36 in
Waist: 34 in
Hips: 42 in

I am going to begin recording all these stats at the begining of the month. According to my trainer, I need to lose some body fat so I am starting a new strength program for losing body fat. I will be sure to post it here :)

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Bad blogger and Mexican Egg-White Omelette.

Yes, I have been a very bad blogger lately. The good news is I have a lot of pictures of the food I have eaten over the past 2 weeks and it has (for the most part) been on track with a healthy life style :)

I have noticed lately that a lot of bloggers who post healthy recipes have ingredients that are only available at places like Whole Foods and other specialty stores. Frankly, I really cant afford Whole Foods or anything really fancy right now, so I have been sticking to the basics. Some of it isnt particularly exciting, but the food I have been eating and the recipes I have been coming up with are fun, easy, fresh, and clean. I have decided to post a lot of them here :)

My first masterpiece....
(pics to come soon)

Mexican Egg White Omelette:


.25 cups egg whites
1 egg
1 small tomatoe diced
1 tbsp red onion diced
smidge shredded cheddar cheese
.25 avacado sliced
small amount of hot sauce
salt and pepper to taste

Grease a frying pan using fat free cooking spray (not butter!!!). Combine egg whites and egg and scramble. Put into frying pan, add the tomatoes on top. Allow egg combination and tomatoe to cook for about 2-3 minutes. When the eggs resemble a pancake fold each side into the center. Place cheese on top and cover. When cheese is melted remove from pan onto plate. Add avacado slices on top of the omelette along with hot sauce. Enjoy :)

The skinny...
Calories: 244
Fat: 18g
Carbs 6.9 g
Protein 14.9 g

Note: although this meal is slightly higher on the fat content than I would normally like, it is mostly healthy fats. Also, the amount of protein in the meal keeps me from wanting to snack a lot throughout the morning. Also, this is a great breakfast on a day with a long run planned!!!

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Tuesdays Gone... :)

Today was one of those days that everything seems to fall into place. I woke up early and did some new arm workouts from fitness magazine. I got two loads of laundry folded, did all the dirty dishes, made a great breakfast, and made my lunch for the day. Work was great, like really great. I did a new aerobics class after work called "Group Active" and LOOOOVED it. I came home to my wonderful husband, made a great dinner, and went grocery shopping with him. Everything I did was so ordinary yet I was able to find so many extraordinary blessings in this day.

I am so thankful for the ability to be a morning person and the fact that I can wake up early and get so much done. I am thankful for my in-house washer and dryer so I can fold laundry in my skivvies :) I am so thankful for my funtionality and the ability to exercise. I am so blessed to be able to buy groceries and the willingness to work hard to plan ahead to eat healthy. I am most of all thankful for my husband. He is my rock my, my future, my best friend, and my life.

I am also thankful that I finally thought to document my food intake in pictures :)

My breakfast. Whole wheat english muffin, 2 tablespoons light cream cheese, 4 slices of tomatoe

My lunch that I made this morning. A lean turkey burger over a bed of lettuce. I chopped mango's over top and put 1 tbsp of organic poppy seed dressing on top.

For a snack this afternoon I had baby carrots and hummus

Dinner was a Bocca vegan burger with a small amount of melted bleu cheese topped with lettuce and tomatoe.

I hope everyon has a great day :)

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Weigh In Wednesday

Well today is Weigh In Wednesday and I stepped up to the scale to take credit for everything I did (or didnt) do this week! My weight this morning was 161.8, which is up just a tad from last week. No worries though :) I did everything right last week, exercised and ate right, but the scale just did not budge. I am going to try a few new group fitness classes this week and see if shaking up my routine will help at all :)

Todays Food:

Breakfast (pre workout)
1 large peach
1 piece dry rye toast

Breakfast (post workout)
1 cup Basic 4 Cereal
.5 cup vanilla soy milk

Favorite salad ever! (will post on this soon)

1 large red peper cut into strips
2 Tbsp Sabra Roasted red pepper humus. If anyone has not tried this you NEED to! Its really amazing!!!

Saturday, August 15, 2009

A little pink dress...

Last year I bought I dress to wear on the day I graduated from college. It was big with eyelit flowers on it. It fell just above my knees. And it was a size 10. Now, at this point in my life my body was much larger. Due to countless wing nights and late nights of drinking calorie fueled beer I had ballooned to nearly 185 lbs and was really a size 12-14. I was in denial as well. How could these fun nights spent with my best friends, resulting in countless amazing memories, also have this kind of affect on my body? I continued to squeeze into everything that was a size 10. Refusing to go any higher.

So, back to this dress. I bought it for graduation. My graduation day from Bucknell was one of the saddest of my life. I was leaving the place I had called home for the last 4 years. The place where I met and fell in love with my amazing husband and made lifelong friendships. I had countless memories and "growing" experiences" here that I was not yet ready to leave. It rained on our graduation day and the water soaked through my graduation goan to the tight fabic from of this too-tight dress. The pink fabric stained my skin and clung to my body. It itched in an increasingly uncomfortable way. This was a constant reminder of what had happened to my body. The rolls and ripples that covered my stomach, theighs, butt, and back were all of a sudden so real to me. I knew I had to do something.

Today I put on that same dress to wear while running errands with my beloved husband. To my great surprise the dress hung losley off of my body. It zipped so easily and was so loose around my chest. I remembered struggling to zip it up the day I bought it and how shallow my breathing had to be while wearing it because of how tight it was around my ribs.

This dress is really a symbol of how far I've come since then. I have stripped myself of much of the excess weight and along with it my fear of actually following my dreams. I have stripped myself of the unforgiving job I was going to everyday and finally found an industry that I am not only passionate about but that I have a gift for.

Things are good. And it took putting on a little pink dress for me to truly realize how far I have come.

In the dress at my grad party.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Today's Food and Workout


2 Kashi Strawberry Flax frozen waffles
1/2 Weight Watchers individual cream cheese packet
1 banana on top of waffles


Lean Cuisine
Giner Garlic stirfry

Baby carrots
Sabra Roasted Red Paper Hummus (OMG. I could live on this stuff)

TBD. Maybe hubby will have made something when I get home?!?

1 mile warm up
4 mile tempo run
1 mile cool down

Where have I been?!?!?

Hey blog world...

So we have been in the process of moving to a new apartment. With that comes little time to blog! Plus, I had NO internet for a little while! But I am back and better than ever :)

So what new...

The new job is amazing. I love it. I am a wellness program coordinator with Healthtrax Fitness and Wellness. I get to help people who are on the same weight loss journey as me! I feel amazing at the end of the day because I know I did SOMETHING to help the people I came in contact with. My hubby starts his new job soon too. So my job + his job + new apartment that we LOVE = a happy young married couple :) I finally feel like we are really getting things together after a few months of a brief hiatus. Life is moving right along and I am loving it :) I'll definately post new pics of the apartment soon :)

The weight loss and half marathon training have been going well. I weighed in today at 161.8 lbs. I was VERY happy. I had gained a few pounds during the move and while getting into a new routine with a new job. I have been VERY good at watching my food intake and adjusting it with my exercise level the last few weeks. It feels so good to do that again! I had forgoten how great it feels to eat right, exercise regularly, and drink plenty of water. Amazing!

I have just over a week until my friends wedding and I am SO excited! Her shower is this weekend and I could not be more thrilled for her. I am happy to say that the dress fits much better than it did a few weeks ago!!!

Have a lovely day everyout out there in blog world!!

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Weigh In Wednesday

Its wednesday! I am sorry to say that I am up 2 lbs to 164. But thats ok!!! I am on a new plan and am sticking to it! I am hoping to lose 2 lbs a week up until the wedding I am in come August. It is about 4 weeks away so 8 lbs sounds great. Then I will be back on track :)

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Motivation Monday (which is being posted on Tuesday)

This week (and every week until August 22nd) my motivation will come from this dress. This bridesmaid dress is the one I will be wearing in one of my best friends wedding in August. It is currently too tight against my butt and theighs and does not allow me much room to walk. I NEED to look great in this dress!!!

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Goal Setting Sunday

Hi blogworld

So I know I didnt do "Weigh In Wednesday". Lets just say the result was not pretty and I'm hoping for better luck this week!!!

I had a really great week last week! I started the new job and I LOVE it so far! I know it has only been a week but I can already tell that this change is going to be very good for me :) I get to talk to people all day about why they should join a health club, what their goals are, and how we can create a program to help them reach their goals. I am REALLY loving it :)

You will also be happy to know that I met my goal of eating a healthy breakfast everyday last week! I decided to make fruit smoothies in the morning and LOVED it. Here is the recipe...

Fruit Smoothie: Breakfast of Champions
Combine 1 cup ice cubes, 1 container Dannon Light and Fit Strawberry Yogurt, 1 cup strawberries, 1 cup diced pineapple. BLEND. ENJOY!

It is so simple and SO delish!

So for this week I am going to keep going with the healthy breakfast and also add one goal. My goal for this week will be to drink 3 FULL NALGENE's OF WATER EACH DAY!!!

I hope it goes well :) Have a great week everyone!

Monday, July 13, 2009

Motivation Monday

For this very FIRST Motivation Monday I have chosen to feaure Mrs. Weight Loss!!! She is also new to the blogging world and her drive, vigor, and commitment to weight loss is very motivating. Keep up the good work!

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Goal Setting Sunday, Motivation Monday, Weigh In Wednesday, and My New Plan

Hello blog world. After having SO much fun reading other weight loss, health, and just everyday blogs I have a few ideas. I am going to start having themes for some of the days:

Goal Setting Sunday:
As I said in my last post I am going to set a goal for each week. I will post it on sunday and update you through out the week.

Motivation Monday:
I have found SO many motivational blogs out there! The blog world if filled with so many STRONG women who are doing everything in their power to be healthy and live long and satisfying lives. This is so much more motivating than seeing a picture in a magazine and saying "I want to look like that". So each monday I will pick one of these blogs and put a link in my post. If I am at a loss for who to put in the post, I will put a motivating quote or story.

Weigh in Wednesday:
To keep me on track I will weigh myself once a week and post it, no matter what it says. I hope people out in blog world will leave comments with their progress as well :)

Let me just say, I have had one amazing week. I start my new job tomorrow and took this past week off to really reflect on myself and what I want in life. It was amazing. I got to run everyday, sit outside in the sun and just THINK and REFLECT on my life, what I want out of this job, and what decisions I want to make in the future in order to get the life I really want. Here are some things I learned:

*My body cannot sleep in anymore. This was very sad to learn. Even though I did not have to wake up to an alarm, my eyes were wide open at 7AM almost everyday.

*I really love to cook and to find healthy recipes. I have always had a huge aversion to most domestic activities. I am horrible at laundry, burn most things I try to microwave let alone cook on a stove. This week I loved making myself breakfast and lunch. I really concentrated on what my body was ASKING for, and not on what my mind WANTED. This led to less urges to purge what I was eating and the best part, NO GUILT!!!

*I am stronger than I think, and I am more capable than I can imagine. I realized this week that some of the reasons I have been so unhappy is because I never thought of myself as capable to make decisions for myself. I always assumed I would be wrong and took the advice other people gave me as stead fast truth. I learned this week that if I listen to my body, mind, and soul they will tell me what will truly make me happiest.

These (and many more) realizations lead me to my new plan for weight loss and health:
I will plan ahead for meals and try to cook for myself and for my husband. We will listen to our bodies and what nutrition they are truly craving. I think that cooking together, planning meals together, and grocery shopping together, will bring us closer as a married couple as well. I am going to try and eat 4-5 small meals and snacks a day in order to bring up my metabolism so I have energy al day long. Breakfast will consist of 200-300 calories and will ALWAYS have fruit and whole grain. A mid morning snack will most likely be yogurt or fruit with a few walnuts thrown in for an added crunch. I am thinking lunch will consist of a salad with some sort of lean meat or a sandwich with whole wheat bread. Mid afternoon will hopefully be a veggie with hummus (love love love!). and Dinner will be whatever my hubby and I make together that is healthy and full of nutrients. I am very excited about this plan and look forward to seeing how it plays out.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

First Things First...

I have learned in the last 6 months or so that if I set small goals for myself I can usually achieve them. When I set HUGE and astronomical goals, however, I end up falling flat in the dirt. This coming week I am starting a new job, and with it a new goal.

Week of July 13th Goal:

Eat a healthy breakfast everyday containing fruit and whole grains.

Lets how it works :)

Bulimia Background

I wanted to go ahead and share my background with bulimia, just to give everyone a little perspective.

I went on my first "diet" when I was 9 years old. I was a chubby child and was told for the first time at a sleep over that year that I was fat. This is probably one of my most vivid memories and, sadly, the one that sticks with me the most from my elementary school days. I immediately started to "diet", or what I thought dieting was in my little 9 year old mind. I was suddenly scared to eat in front of people. I would pretend to eat my lunch at school and then actually throw it away. Looking back this is so scary. I was 9 years old and was supposed to be having fun, and not in any way worrying about what I looked like. I lost weight that year instead of gaining like most 9 year olds do, and remember it as one of the most elated moments of my life. Little did I know that these activities would lead to a life long battle with weight, eating disorders, and control.

I first heard about bulimia and anorexia in a 6th grade presentation. Someone from the local hospital had come to school to talk to all the girls about peer pressure, sex, and eating disorders (all things we would surely start facing in our everyday life sooner than later). The woman presenting was a recovering anorexic and she described how she would cut her food into little bites so her family thought she ate more. She described savoring every bite of food she had because she was so hungry, but knew she couldnt eat more than a few bites. I thought that sounded like a fabulous idea and started to try and do the same thing. I would hold contests with myself, seeing how long I could go without eating and without anyone noticing I wasnt eating. Little did I know that to walk a mile in an anorexics shoes is a very hard mile indeed. When I couldnt take it anymore I binged on everything in site. Afterward I felt this extreme guilt for having such little self control. I then remembered the other part of the presentation, the part that talked about bulimia. I immediatly went to the toilet and threw everything up. It was the biggest feeling of control I have ever had. I could eat whatever I wanted and not get fat! This was insane and amazing and I felt my 12 year old mind swimming with a sense of power. The cycle began from there. I would get stressed and as a result eat everything in site to dull the stress or pain. I would then call myself a fat cow who cant handle anything in her life and has no self control. And then I would purge. This vicious cycle followed me through junior high, most of high school, and the later years in college.

This cycle has continued on and off for the last 13 years. I had it under control in high school, until I started applying to colleges.

I went to college at Bucknell University and honestly had 4 of the best years of my life. I made amazing friends, met my husband, and created memories that will last a lifetime. I struggled with my bulimia frequently in college, but tried to keep this as much of a secret as possible. I went to our campus nutritionist frequently, as well as psych services. It seemed so odd to me that EVERYTHING in my life was going so well (great grades, great friends, great boyfriend...) and still have the urge to purge everything I was eating. This was when it became very clear to me that my problem was much more deep rooted than I had originally thought.

After graduating from college (the saddest day ever) I moved in with my husband and soon after we were married. I struggled with my disease at this transition in my life (even though it was a happy one). I have an amazing support system in my husband and family and they want nothing more than to see me happy and healthy. I have always had a passion for exercise, and along with therapy decided to use exercise in my treatment of my disease. I found that if I exercised (in moderation of course. I have also had a problem with over exercising in the past) I am much less likley to feel the need to purge my food. I have to continually tell myself that the food I am eating is fueling my exercise and my running, and I need it to stay healthy!

It is an everyday struggle for me to stick with a HEALTHY, and balanced lifestyle. I find that the more I plan the easier it is to stay on an exercise and eating plan. I am trying to finally (for the first time in my life) to get to a healthy weight for my height. I am trying not to calorie count, but focus on healthy and whole foods that fuel my body. I used to see (and still do sometimes) food as something to shove in my mouth and then get rid of. I am trying to change my relationship with food and see it is a friend, not foe. This is a continued process, but I am hoping with the help of this blog I can see how far I can go and how far I have come :)

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

About Me

I am a woman, a wife, a recovering bulimic, and a constant work in progress. I decided in the beginning of 2009 that I wanted to live a healthier life. Little did I know this would develop into more than a battle with weight and nutrition. I realized I was drifting through my life in a fog. I had a job I hated in an industry I was no longer passionate about. I had extreme anxiety issues and felt myself leaning back toward my old stress relieving ways, bingeing and purging. I was no longer the positive, happy, and "full of life" person I used to be. I was desperate to get back to the me I was before I became the me that I am. I had some very hard decisions to make, including quitting my very well paying job and pursuing a new career in an industry that I was passionate about but had no experience in.

Follow me as I continue to make hard decisions regarding my life, my career, my health, and my weight loss. On this blog I hope to share my ups and downs in my everyday battle with bulimia, my day to day thoughts on trying to live a life I love, and which path I take when I come to the proverbial "fork in the road"

Likes: pink, latte's, running, my husband, Oprah, good sushi, great wine, being awake, liberal politics, learning to cook and learning about nutrition, sleeping in a cold room, Frasier reruns, the smell of fresh cut grass and baking apples (not together), flowers for no reason, trying new beer, pineapple.

Dislikes/Annoyances: people who are chronically late, cheese on veggies, conservative politics, dark brown.